Speedcabling: My New Calling

Speedcabling is a new [ahem] sport that was devised by Steven Schkolne in which competitors try to untangle a mass of ethernet cables that have been “prepared” in a clothes dryer (I imagine that once this sport takes off, there will be a dedicated tangling apparatus, but a dryer seems like an unobjectionable ad hoc solution).  In short, I am quitting school, cancelling all my classes, and dropping out of my Lenny Bruce reading group.  I need to start training.  FTA:

 Two years ago, Mr Schkolne began to wonder if others shared both his skill and his passion for detangling cables.

YES!  There are such people in the world, people who have waited their whole lives, something always missing, something in the back of their heads telling them, “You were meant for something better.”  I am, more than anything, relieved, really, even though I know there’s a lot of hard work ahead.  I am not in peak untangling condition, and my fingers are a little stubby (thanks, dad), but I will overcome these handicaps.  I am going to be the Muhammad Ali of getting shit untangled.  Everything is clear now.

“The finals were brutal - 12 ethernet cords, some as long as 25 feet, all knotted into a nasty bundle,” said eventual winner Mr Howell.

Explaining his detangling technique, he said: “Each cable is its own rabbit hole.”

“So before going down one of those cable paths, up and around, weaving in and out, you have to pull it apart.”

This technique is clearly wrong, by the way.  You have to consider the entirety of the bundle, or you’re eventually going to start causing more problems than you’re solving.  There should be a minimum of “pulling” as well.  Think of it more as unfolding, like reverse oragami.  Just step aside, Howell.  Let me show you how it’s done. 

Also the exclusive use of ethernet cables seems interesting to me.  I would think you would want a range of cable types, say ethernet, audio, power, and usb, to better simulate “field” conditions.  The different kinds of connectors would also add another level of difficulty, as each provides its own kinds of “snag traps”.  I’ll have to talk this over with the organizers.  I’ll keep you posted.