The Phantom Manifesto

 

Can I just say that I love this new Mount Vernon Statement that’s supposed to reunify the splintering Conservative movement? As a piece of literature it is the vaguest, most intentionally deceptive thing I’ve ever read. Let’s take a look, shall we?

We recommit ourselves to the ideas of the American Founding.  Through the Constitution, the Founders created an enduring framework of limited government based on the rule of law. They sought to secure national independence, provide for economic opportunity, establish true religious liberty and maintain a flourishing society of republican self-government.

So far so good. Not so sure how they want me to interpret that “true religious liberty” part, but I suppose it has something to do with mandatory Christian prayer in schools and work camps for Muslims. Just a guess.

After a completely meaningless second paragraph (trust me), we get to the beefy center:

Each one of these founding ideas is presently under sustained attack. In recent decades, America’s principles have been undermined and redefined in our culture, our universities and our politics. The selfevident truths of 1776 have been supplanted by the notion that no such truths exist. The federal government today ignores the limits of the Constitution, which is increasingly dismissed as obsolete and irrelevant.

Even Wolf Blitzer, God bless him, was roused from his insulin coma by the thunderous sound of bovine defecation. Under attack by whom, he wanted to know. Whose notion is it that “no such truths exist?” Why the special attention to “universities” between culture and politics? Who ever said the Constitution was obsolete and irrelevant? Wolf wanted names.

But to ask such questions is to miss the point (sorry, Wolfy). The answer is always the same: homosexuals, communists, immigrants, blacks, and women. The usual suspects. “Universities” is a good catch all, but a little later they try to zero in on a particular villain:

Some insist that America must change, cast off the old and put on the new. But where would this lead — forward or backward, up or down? Isn’t this idea of change an empty promise or even a dangerous deception?

Shhh, quiet… did you hear them call the President a Muslim? I did.

And now the big finish:

A Constitutional conservatism unites all conservatives through the natural fusion provided by American principles. It reminds economic conservatives that morality is essential to limited government, social conservatives that unlimited government is a threat to moral self-government, and national security conservatives that energetic but responsible government is the key to America’s safety and leadership role in the world.

You see, the real purpose of this document is not to “recommit” moderates, it’s to beg the Tea Party to stop fucking everything up for the real GOP. People like Grover Norquist get a little nervous when they hear people starting to have their own ideas about how bad God hates poor people. That’s Grover’s thing, and the Tea Party needs to start taking orders and stop acting like a third party. Everyone remembers how Ross Perot won the White House for Bill Clinton. And at least he was rich. These Tea Party wannabes are just poor white trash. They’re good when you need someone shot from a distance, but independent thought is not their strong suit.

And that’s the problem with the Mount Vernon Statement. It’s meant to get Conservatives all on the same page again, philosophically, but it assumes the Tea Baggers can read. Just because they bought “Going Rogue” doesn’t mean they knew what all those squiggly black lines were for. Let’s be honest, the average Sarah Palin fanatic thinks breathing through your nose is for faggots.

Getting back to the original intent of the Founders is always going to sound peachy to white men who own property. The ability to be nostalgic for a time when women couldn’t vote and black people could be owned as property is a particular kind of privilege. It’s whistling Dixie. Don’t count on the Tea Partiers following along though. They saw a butterfly out the window ten minutes ago and they are long gone.

Comments

[wrangler]

Sometimes I forget how truly gifted your anger can be. Thanks for reading the news so I don't have to.

[Mxrk]

Shucks...

[Moe]

Ouch. Now that I've found you (Balloon Juice ad) this place is about to eat up way too much of my time.

[Mxrk]

Thanks for tuning in!