Speaking of AdWords...

Remember how I talked about how much I disliked my Google Ads experience? Well, I just got a dang coupon in my email for $100 in free advertising from Google, so I can spread the word about people who sound like Paul Simon. I know what you’re thinking: “Score!” But hold your horses, imaginary friend, let’s check out those terms and conditions.

Promotional credit must be applied to a new AdWords account within 15 days of creating the AdWords account and is valid only for new Google AdWords customers with self-managed sign-up accounts. Advertisers will be charged for advertising that exceeds the promotional credit. Advertisers will need to suspend their ads if they do not wish to receive additional charges beyond the free credit amount. Offer subject to ad approval, valid registration, and acceptance of the Google AdWords program standard terms and conditions. The promotional credit is non-transferable and may not be sold or bartered. Offer may be revoked at any time for any reason by Google Inc. One promotional credit per customer. Advertisers with self-managed sign-up accounts are subject to a $5 (C$10) activation fee. Advertisers who choose prepay billing are subject to a $10 (C$20) minimum prepayment fee before their account is activated. Any such prepay amount will be credited to Advertiser’s account once account is activated.

To be perfectly honest, I assumed this was how it was going to work. This is how free shit always works. No one should be surprised or disappointed that the possibility exists for me to overspend my free money without realizing it. And of course “free” really means $10. But knowing myself, and knowing my enemy, this is how the conversation will inevitably go:

Me: Hi, Google? Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention and I went beyond the free credit you gave me. Maybe we could just let it go this one time?

Google: No, we’d like our money now.

Me: Yeah, but you see, you still owe me $2.02 from when I let you put all those “NoBama” ads on my site. And then I felt like a big ol’ racist.

Google: Pfft.

Me: Did you just “pfft” me?

Google: No.

Me. I’m not going to get my money, am I?

Google: No. But we’re billing you for this call. Have a nice day.

Comments

[Emily]

I love your block quote style. I work with a guy who confessed he believes Google is a conspiracy and we've let them go too far already. Correction: I used to work with a guy...

[Mxrk]

I just got another email from Google. All it says is, "War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength." I dunno, makes sense.